As we draw closer to the end of another year, I cannot help but think of how challenging this year has been for me. I think it is only fair that I talk about me, since this is my blog.
I started the year on a not so high nor was it a not so low. I found myself at a stand still. I was struggling spiritually but I did not think much of it until I realized that I had reopened doors that should have been kept closed. I had to admit that to myself and in doing so I feel as if that was the start to recovery.
I also began reading a book which was mentioned in a sermon some time back. It really opened my eyes to the reason why we are not able to break habits and give ourselves to God fully. This main reason was due to the fact that when we pray we expect some magic wand to be waved and our struggles or habits will suddenly disappear,but this is not so.
In truly being free from struggle we need to replace those things with more of God. This brought harsh reality to my door step and that was that I had stopped filling the space with more of God. I truly came to know myself and to recognise that one should never get complacent in salvation because no one has achieved perfection as of yet. Lesson one complete..
There are numerous things that I have had to experience in life and am experiencing. However, sometimes we can get so wrapped up in what we are going through that we forget that God is still God.
I sit and think about how this and how that and forget who I am in Him. I forget that if I keep serving and continue doing and giving more and more of myself that one day all this will be no more, not even a memory, but more especially that all that I have been through is not in vain. This and that may be happening but God vindicates, restores, rebuilds and rewards faithfulness. Lesson two complete..
People have been one of my biggest issues thus far. I have gone from arguing, to saying little or nothing these days. It is almost like when something happens I am suddenly frozen and cannot react whatsoever.
I thank God because out of the situations I have been in, it is as if God is saying be still, watch how this plays out but I don’t realise until after and it is as if I cannot believe I stood still. I know it is God because I would have kicked off ASAP! Out of it God has brought favour. In one instance someone commended me for not retaliating and all I could say was thank God for the Holy Spirit’s restraint.
Another is the feeling of insignificance or maybe ingratitude from others. I know that we do things for God and not for others in the Kingdom, but let us be honest to the fact human crave attention! As much as I crave attention I do not want too much and I do still want it to be all about my service to God and in saying that do not be ungrateful.
Ingratitude is a major cause for 21st century problems. We want it all. We want it now, but we will not work hard for it. I think amongst the things I despise is not taking time to appreciate people for all they do. Being more grateful in general is another lesson learnt.
So 2015 I leave ingratitude, struggles and stress behind with hopes of laying bricks at those doors then taking the sledgehammer of faith in Jesus Christ to demolish that which should not be. Until next time 안녕 ✋